foxconfessor: Ralph in '08 - The Only Boom-Booms Will Be In Our Pants

Monday, January 28, 2008

Ralph in '08 - The Only Boom-Booms Will Be In Our Pants

The Simpsons 2 weeks ago was Ralph running for President...quite possibly the funniest idea for an episode as of yet.

Personally I think he would be the best candidate - he sleeps in a drawer, he is open to picking his nose in public (you all do it but he keeps it real), he wasn't easily swayed to be either a Republican or Democrat (I guess he didn't watch YouTube), he knows his cats breath smells like cat food, he once dated Lisa, and the list goes on and on...

His stance on the issues:

Immigration - "Stranger Danger!"

Government Spending - "I only have this much moneys."

Party Politics - "Everyone is invited to my party!"

Slogan - "I dig the wig"

Political Appointments - Bart as the Secretary of Indian Burns and Lisa as his First Ladle

Foreign Relations - "When we're mad we'll use our words. Then the rest of the world will play nice with us. And the only boom-booms will be in our pants."

Quotable Quote "Being the President is easy - you just point the Army and shoot" - Homer J. Simpson.

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My Best Sellers List...poo on the NY Times

Neither Here Nor There: Travels in Europe
In typical Bryson fashion, as a reader I am transformed as a world-traveler making my way through some of the best cities in Europe with an ever-present humorous spin. I literally laugh outloud at some of the things that he writes. I'm pretty lame in how little I have traveled outside my own country so to be able to do it from my living room is right up my economy-troubled alley. He visits some great cities such as Parish, Brussels, Amsterdam, Copenhagen, Stockholm and I am in Rome with him at my current place in the book.
Even if you have traveled to any of those cities I think you will find his accounts hilarious. Definitely a good book for a relaxing Sunday (clue into my weekend there).

The Last Tycoon - F. Scott Fitzgerald
This book was the last written by Fitzgerald before he passed away. It is about a Hollywood producer who has never nor will ever exist as perfectly as Mr. Starr. The story is hard to follow the entire story within the story but he falls in love with a woman who in a twisted series of events he sees and she looks very similar to his dead wife, Minna. The story unfolds into Starr's life and his misses and catches at love - mostly misses. It is told from the perspective of the daughter of Starr's business partner. She tells the tale from an insider's perspective but is also a bit in love with Starr so it's hard to say how accurate her descriptions are.
But the story is finished by another author as Fitzgerald wasn't able to finish it and I would love to have seen the REAL ending. Yes, this ending was written based off his notes but still...who knows where he could have gone with it?

I need to catch up a bit

I was told there'd be cake - Sloane Crosley
I have been reading this in snippets too but it's another funny book that came from my sister. Sloane is a Jewish girl getting her career started in NYC and so far her first "real" job was the assistant of a horrible, manipulating boss that appeared to be the nicest, coolest person until her first day and from then on she found various office supplies being thrown at her head. She lies to get out of work about her aunt dying to which her dragon-lady boss hears the garbled message really saying that her father died...needless to say she got busted. That's all I've read so far...

Are You There God, It's Me Vodka - Chelsea Handler
Fantasticly hilarious book that I read so quickly so I could give it back to my sister but enjoyed reading it so much that it wasn't a chore. The Chelsea you see on her show but just a bit more inappropriate and uncensored. Definitely a good read!

Fast Food Nation - Eric Schlosser
Note: I haven't finished this book yet. It is incredibly robust meaning - densly packed with information and I just can't get through it. In its defense I have been quite busy lately.
I just started this book at lunch today - one of my co-workers brought it in for me. I don't remember asking for it but I'm sure I did and just forgot...so more to come on this...

The Audacity of Hope - Barack Obama
Unfortunately I didn't get to finish this book since the library somehow thinks normal people with jobs and a life can finish a 300 + page book in 2 weeks. That's the standard time you get when a book is on high demand. What I did read I really liked and it further solidified my vote for him.

I know there was something in between here other than the House Buying for Dummies book but I can't remember

Paint it Black - Janet Fitch
I happened upon this book while I was wandering around the library before my trip. I read her other book, White Oleander and really liked it.
As usual the writing is very gritty and she really gets the details of the main character to the extreme. This book is about a girl, Josie who is dating what she thinks is the perfect guy - smart, talented painter and loves their "bohemian" lifestyle. Until she gets a call one day from a coroner to identify a body - it was her boyfriend, Michael who had told her he was at his mothers house (world famous pianist) painting and instead ended up shooting himself in a seedy hotel. After this abrupt ending to her fairytale her life takes a turn and you can really feel her pain and she starts finding out who the "real" Michael was.

Marley & Me - John Grogan
I just started this and within 2 chapters I am hooked. I know everyone else has read this book (alas that is what happens when you check books out of the library - you're one of the last to read it) but I haven't heard any spoilers about the ending. I do know the movie is being filmed now. The story starts with the "perfect" newlywed couple with nothing but lovely things; new house, stable income, and happiness?! You know something terrible is going to happen with this dog it has to. The preface is about the main character's childhood dog who was sainted through no actions other than being the perfect dog. That sets you up right away to expect disaster. When they go to get the dog he is the one that charges them instead of shrinking back with the rest of the litter. They think all is great after meeting the mom of the litter, she is sweet and gentle. Right before leaving the house they see the father of the litter go running past them foaming at the mouth covered in mud and burrs. Excellent.
This was a really good book but warning to dog lovers it will make you cry!!

Armageddon in Retrospect - Kurt Vonnegut
More to come as I get into this book. It is the last published work by the amazing Kilgore Trout AKA Mr. Vonnegut. The introduction was penned by his son and provides a wonderful, personal insight to the life of THE MAN (not the government man but the man of all men).
This book is hilarious it's a lot of short stories most of which are war-scenarious and a few are WAYYY out there but all in all it's a great ending to an amazing writers' journey.

A Thousand Splendid Suns - Khaled Hosseini
This was an amazing book I couldn't put it down. The emotions that I felt while reading it were so real - I really felt as though I knew these women and felt their pain. It really puts into perspective the struggles of Afganistan and anyone particularly women who managed to live through the numerous wars and power struggles even as they continue to exist today. I highly recommend this book but be prepared to get angry!

I am America, and so can you - Stephen Colbert
I wasn't sure what I was expecting with this one...but if you are looking for an extension of the persona Stephen embodies on his show look no further. Filled with cut-outs, footnotes, stickers and one-liners this is purely for entertainment purposes only. I think any riveting political reporting will have to be done by real political experts...

Tom Wolfe- I am Charlotte Simmons
This novel is over 600 pages long and I couldn't put it down. Not that the story line is so riveting but I wanted to know if what I thought would happen did.
This was a great companion to my sickness and kept me thoroughly entertained. Tom Wolfe is one smarty-pants author too, I got a refresher course in Philosophy, evolution and being in college. For an old dude he knows the language of college students pretty well all except the "stirring of loins" that made me grimace...

A Million Little Pieces - James Frey
What was originally "sold" to everyone, including Oprah as a biopgraphy was in fact one of the best set of lies ever told and packaged as truth. It feels so Mel Gibson in The Hoax...but this was in truth not movie-land.

These are a few of my favorite things...

Monday, January 28, 2008

Ralph in '08 - The Only Boom-Booms Will Be In Our Pants

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