Rob & Big - Meaty goes to Hollywood

Last night's episode almost had me peeing my pants...

The guys decide that Meaty needs an agent but after an unsuccessful attempt at being in movies and commercials they decide that he would be better in print advertising...

It all started with this:

Yes that is a pink wig on Meaty

While on a trip to the grocery store Rob finds a cereal named Best Buddies and it has a picture of 2 older women, 1 white and 1 black, and he decides that him and BB would be the perfect spokespeople. He even calls and leaves the
company a message -- I guess they never called back (I think Rob's agent needs to be doing more work for him - DO WORK). To make their case even more convincing they send Drama out to get them "lady clothes" and dress up for their own print campaign. This is where I lost it...

Ah the simplicity of guys in drag...it never fails in comedy.

And the final product - the gayest cereal ever...Special Buddies...

iTunes follow-up

Here are some real excerpts from an email I received from Ollin the Itunes Tool
(Me thinks he is 50 and trying to appeal to a younger crowd)

"...It means if you purchase either of the other 2 versions, you wouldn't get a ringtone out of it even if you were Glinda, the Good Witch of the North. That makes sense, right?"
(The Wizard of Oz....really?)

"you stated that the Yo La Tengo (great band) song was your only problem"
(he added the "great band" b/c that was necessary...right? right?)

"If that doesn't work, pick the other one and try that. If that doesn't work, at least we know we've eliminated the most obvious reasons. You with me so far?"
(Yeah I'm 'wit 'chu - or wait that was Steve Martin in My Blue Heaven)

"If I knew that, I'd be an engineer. That's their job to fix those things. It's our job to support them and the customer when those technical things don't work like they should. And this happens with everything technical, every day, all day. You want my job? It's anything but easy. We have to supply technical answers to customers without the benefit of technical training. Hey, it's a living."
(So wait its the job of an engineer to FIX the problems that iTunes has "every day all day" but iTunes doesn't really consult these engineers on staff and so these reps are to address the problems in a technical manner without any real technical training?? Sounds pretty easy to me to BS for a living...maybe I should ask him for his job)

And the finale
"By the way, I'm on your side. So is Christie. We're just trying to help."

Whew for a second there I thought they were out to get me. Thank god we got THAT cleared up and out of the way. Thanks guys so much for the love and attention.

P.S. Situation has been resolved with 5 free song credits...yeah that was SO worth it - basically they gave me something to shut me up and stop me from bringing to light a major glitch in iTunes software that has affected a few other people but obviously doesn't garner any REAL actions.

My loony bun is fine Benny Lava

Ralph in '08 - The Only Boom-Booms Will Be In Our Pants

The Simpsons 2 weeks ago was Ralph running for President...quite possibly the funniest idea for an episode as of yet.

Personally I think he would be the best candidate - he sleeps in a drawer, he is open to picking his nose in public (you all do it but he keeps it real), he wasn't easily swayed to be either a Republican or Democrat (I guess he didn't watch YouTube), he knows his cats breath smells like cat food, he once dated Lisa, and the list goes on and on...

His stance on the issues:

Immigration - "Stranger Danger!"

Government Spending - "I only have this much moneys."

Party Politics - "Everyone is invited to my party!"

Slogan - "I dig the wig"

Political Appointments - Bart as the Secretary of Indian Burns and Lisa as his First Ladle

Foreign Relations - "When we're mad we'll use our words. Then the rest of the world will play nice with us. And the only boom-booms will be in our pants."

Quotable Quote "Being the President is easy - you just point the Army and shoot" - Homer J. Simpson.

Rap translated into graphs...could rap be LESS cool??

Courtesy of my esteemed colleague Pandrew "where is my lemonade" Basford

Why iTunes is the DEVIL

The new fancy thing for my iPhone is you can download certain songs on iTunes that can be magically transformed into ringtones. The way you know a certain song is eligible for said transformation is a lovely bell icon next to the song.

So here goes:
I find a Yo La Tengo song that I love - it has the bell icon next to it
I pay for the download
Then I go to pay for the ringtone (oh yes you have to pay double for the song and for the ringtone) and I keep getting this error message saying "This song can no longer be created as a ringtone"...wait a TIC what the F does that mean? No longer? When was it previously?

So I call iPhone - they explain to me the process of opening iTunes (duh), then the process of downloading a song (gee I MIGHT know how to do this considering I own an iPhone with purchased songs on it) and then how to right-click on it to create a ringtone (by now I have lost my patience).
After he puts me on hold for oh 20 minutes the brilliance starts...Apple Man tells me this is NOT an Apple issue but in fact an iTunes issue.
iTunes by the way has NO phone number to call - its like getting the number for the vatican it just doesn't exist...
So I have now had 6 email conversations with iTunes in which they have also explained how to download a song, create a ringtone, read some articles and do everything but actually READ and respond to my issue.
My next step - to the discussion threads (as you can tell I really want this song and "Rock with you" by MJ on my ringtones dammit) and I find out that other peeps have experienced this and there is NO ONE from iTunes offering a solution. They once again reference some dumbass articles and FAQs that are just insulting to anyone under the age of 30 that has used a computer more than once.
My patience is running thin - but oh wait they gave me a 5 song credit now I just hope I don't want to create ringtones out of them.

P.S. I have created ringtones successfully before and they are on my phone so I know its not me or my laptop...
So now iTunes is on my shit list and they are the DEVIL!

Let me tell you 'bout my best friend

If you aren't aware of this show you need to get tuned in
Last episode the guys entered Mini Horse AKA Mini G in a contest and it was quite possibly the funniest 30 minutes of TV I have watched in a LONG time.
I usually cannot stand MTV and touting it but for once they really hit the jackpot!

• MTV
• Music Videos
• MTV Shows
• Entertainment News

Another wonderful bounty of information from Sissy

http://www.answerbag.com/

Ask a question or find an answer to anything you've ever wanted to know and didn't know who to ask or were too embarassed to ask...
Some of the questions are too funnny!

Whats the best ' yo mama ' joke you ever heard?
Has the Internet ever helped to improve your life? It's helped improve mine.
Do you use a fabric softener in your washing?
PARENTS: if your 19 year invited you round 4 xmas (they only moved out like 2 months ago) would you go or go to the pub?

On and on...this might be the best solution for being out of touch
:)

Great Olan Mills photos

Great Olan Mills photos
Total frickin' awesomeness from Olan Mills, Sears and other fine portrait studios.

Here is just a small sampling of the goodies...




















Those glasses came free with a purchase of Brut cologne.





















Thoughtful Lance. Mirthful Lance. Two sides of a delightful coin.




















Drake won Bitchin'est Senior Mullet by a landslide.


More laughs can be found at
http://listoftheday.blogspot.com/2007/09/great-olan-mills-photos.html

Boo-ya

Few simple words...

The Giants kick ass and to all you disbelievers you can kiss the proverbial ASS of NY and NJ since technically the Giants play in Jersey.
GO GIANTS!!!

Funny Forward of the Day

From Kate:

The Culprit Strikes Again

Reasons not to leave your puppy out in the living room...

Our heat broke the other day...one of the coldest days in the year so far, figures right?

So I am a total wuss and felt bad leaving the dogs in the basement where they spend their days usually - you know since their pounds of fat and fur wouldn't have kept them warm. Instead I snuggled them on to the couch and said bye. I even came home for lunch to feed them and let them out to pee on everything. Something must have happened in the few hours I left after lunch and came home because PUGSLEY STRUCK AGAIN

He showed me his thoughts on being left alone by eating another hole in the couch. Thankfully it is in a kind-of out of the way area and it was their love seat (note: Deuce needs his own love seat) but still....BAD DOG!

But how can I yell at this face??

P.S. that is a bone not a giant stogie

Go Guinta!

So it turns out my predictions for total world domination by Frank Guinta might be true if the future pans out as he plans...
Rumors are that he might be running for Governor AKA the Governator as I now call anyone in that role thanks to Arnold Schwarz...wait let me google him I can't even take a stab at spelling his name...
Arnold Schwarzenegger
(And I had to straight up copy that from Google)...

So if you live in NH get on the ball and vote GUINTA!
(P.S. I am NOT paid for by Guinta I promise!)

...

Subject: Another reason not to move to Florida

From Andy:

This picture was taken by a Lifeflight helicopter flying over Lake Istapoka , (For those of you who are not local, Lake Istapoka is near Sebring, Fl.) That has to be a HUGE gator to have a whole deer in its mouth! Are you ready to go fishing on Lake Istapoka ?! If you ski -- try not to fall.

The alligator was found between Lake Istapoka and Pinedale estates... near a house , Game Wardens were forced to shoot the alligator- guess he wouldn't cooperate. Jayne and Don Hobkirk could hear the bellowing in the night. Their neighbors had been telling them that they had seen a mammoth alligator in the Lake that runs behind their house, but th ey dismissed the stories as being exaggerations. "I didn't believe it," Don Hobkirk said. Friday they realized the stories were, if anything, understated. Florida Game and Parks game wardens had to shoot the beast... Joe Goff, 6' 5" tall, a game warden with the Florida Game and Parks Commission, walks past the 23-foot, one inch alligator that he shot and killed in the back yard of Jayne & Don Hobkirk...

Comment:

How many chic gifts could you make with this; alligator seats on your boat!! Anyone still want to go snorkeling ???

Funny Friday Forwards

From Sissy:
January 16, 2008
Arrested for making son wear Pack jersey

Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn't wear a Packers jersey during the team's playoff victory Saturday, a Wisconsin man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him. Mathew Kowald was cited for disorderly conduct in connection with the incident with his son at their home in Pardeeville, Lt. Wayne Smith of the Columbia County Sheriff's Department said. The 36-year-old was arrested Monday after his wife told authorities about the incident. Kowald was taken to the county jail and held until today, when he pleaded no contest, paid a fine of $186 and was released. Kowald's wife filed a restraining order today, so Kowald will not be able to have contact with his family, Smith said. Smith said other domestic issues have surfaced, though he wouldn't elaborate. The boy refused to wear the jersey Saturday, when the Packers beat the Seahawks in a playoff game, Smith said. Smith said the incident sounded strange when reported at first, but the mother took pictures with her cell phone and that type of evidence is difficult to dispute.
*---------------COMMENTSThe article did not mention that the kid is a die hard Giants fan which caused his abusive father to lose his mind. GO BIG BLUE!

Why my iPhone kicks ass

So I might be totally behind the times (which tends to happen to me) but I just discovered Webapps. I am so loving my phone this week!
Along with being able to customize my home page on my phone I can now access millions of web apps. The catalog of choices is HUGE. Some of my favorites are:
vFlashlight - turns your iPhone into a virtual flashlight
iPeeVee - Japanese video content
Bobs Sheep Counter
iMug shots - mug shots of celebrities
iSunday Service - Listen to church services and view study guides from Lebanon Area Evangelical Free Church, Pennsylvania.
oh and the games...so many games!
I have spent the past hour at work searching the webapps and adding them all to my phone
Mind Dojo
Same Game - which is titled in Japanese/Chinese? something strange...
Oh and yes - Sunset
Pool ripples
And the ever calming oceanfront

This is JUST way too fun!

Oh AC Slater what have you done?

I am not a very big fan of Animal Planet but I beleive the dogs like to watch it when they are in the house alone...and as I was tuning in this morning I caught a few minutes of Pet Star - which from my short viewing I found out is a pet version of American Idol/Star Search

But the best part is the "star" of Pet Star is their host AC Slater whom we all remember from Saved by the Bell quite possibly the cheesiest show EVER. But I think he needs to fire his agent for getting him involved in this "gig"

Excerpt from their website follows (no I did NOT make this up!)

And now, the host of Pet Star ... Mario Lopez!
It takes more than just a pretty face to host a TV show — particularly when the star performers have more legs, claws or feathers than you do!
Mario Lopez was born in San Diego, Calif. Although best known for his role as Slater in Saved by the Bell, Lopez is a rising star in film and TV who wears many hats as an entertainer. He recently co-produced and starred in the independent film The Courier, and he co-hosts The Other Half with Dick Clark, Danny Bonaduce and Dorian Gregory.
Lopez has also been seen in Pacific Blue as police officer Bobby Cruz and he portrayed diver Greg Louganis in the TV movie Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story.
Lopez's first professional role was as the younger brother in the series A.K.A. Pablo.

Mystery Pooper

Rob & Big Season 3 premiered last night - the theme was the mystery pooper

Highlights were:

The mystery poop and who the pooper was

Beating up on Drama - again

Giving Drama a polygraph and he admitted he didn't like Mini Horse

Rob buys a Net Gun - which is #1 on my 2008 Wish List

The shirtless guy with the Superman tattoo working at the pool place

And the ultimate return on draining the pool -

The underwater themed mural - complete with Meaty and Mini Horse

'Nuff Said

Forward of the Day from Mom

Subject: Deanna Favre as Packers Starting QB!
In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. She claimed she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. Because of this she understands how to pick up a corner blitz and knows the terminology of the Packers offense. A poll of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move. Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you? Yet Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be the President of The United States.

Motivation in its truest form

Rob & Big

Where the F have I been?

Somehow this hilarious show featuring Rob Dyrdek, his bodyguard Big Black and his dog, Meaty and Mini-horse appropriately named "Mini Horse" has been on for almost 3 seasons and I haven't heard of it. I think it stems from my pure hatred of MTV, all that it represents and the "shows" it promotes (ex: the Hills - they call it reality tv?!, Real World, Road Rules, on and on with mindless dribble)

But lo and behold let the humor continue. Sissy introduced us to the show in the magical realm of her basement over Christmas Vacation. If you haven't watched this show you must! Forget all preconcieved conceptions of Newlyweds and Travis Barker reality shows...this is SO much better!
The mini-horse is mean! Meaty can skateboard, Big Black really is Big and Black!! And Rob is really freaking funny! We have started DVR'ing the old episodes and laughing our asses off. We even started calling Deuce mini-horse!

The new season starts this week - January 8th at 10:30 PM so CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULES AND TURN OFF THE PHONE, SPEAK TO NO ONE AND MAKE SURE TO CATCH THE NEW SEASON!! I also recommend re-naming something hopefully an animal or annoying co-worker Mini Horse - either to their face or not - up to you.

2008 Predictions - not for you to comment on

Jump rope will be the exercise to end all other forms
There will be more broken TVs resulting from people thinking they are too cool to wear the Wii controller wrist strap
There will also be more injuries related to Wii playing than other "sports"
I will be good at sports (thank you TV bowling)
The Yankees will win the World Series!!
Barrack Obama will be elected President
Britney will finally admit that her brain has been hijacked by aliens
The Squat Little Man will continue to harass everyone he comes in contact with
I will win the lottery - now I just have to start playing it
My niece, Madison will grow taller than me
My sister, Amy will have a boy
The Giants will come close to winning the Super Bowl - sorry Sissy I don't think its going to happen this year - the Packers are UNDEFEATED!

And more to come as I think about them

I know the Mayor of Manchester

As I was happily eating my Enchilada Pie last night (successfully food processed I might add) my sister, Amy calls me and told me to turn on Fox News and who do I see?
Frank Guinta!! Turns out being the mayor of Manchester is quite fancy-pants. (duh to me for not paying attention to primaries)
I've never really known anyone who was smart enough to be interviewed on the news for anything other than "Bystander"
It is so cool - Frank even has a Wikipedia on him
And Google has like 10 pages of entries on him
For anyone who doesn't know my association - my best friend from highschool is his little sister, Christine "Bring out the Guint" Guinta!

SO GO GUINTA!!
Maybe one day I will be seeing him on his run for presidency!

Wow it's been TOO long

2008 so far has been an eventful year which explains my lack of blogging (at least in my mind!)

Accomplishments of the year so far:

Pulling all of my arm muscles playing bowling on the Wii
Actually prior to that was actually FINDING a Wii - GO JASON!
Getting to pro level on the Wii - only to have my shiny ball taken from me when my game didn't improve - rat bastards
Remembering New Years - there are a few years that have passed that I can't quite recollect
Flying a kite - you think its easy? Well go get one and report back to me!
Successfully gaining that "mysterious Holiday weight"
Learning how to use a food processor - unfortunately I am looking forward to many mushy meals until I get the hang of it
Buying 2 pairs of pants for about $5 a piece and they're NOT from Goodwill!

More to come I am sure...