the beauty of the road trip

Ahh the fun that can only come from a southern destination.
somehow I can find my way around central jersey even though I haven't lived there in almost 10 years but I can't seem to distinguish between the town of "lightfoot" and nonsense... the kind that you only find below Richmond - which is also my personal Mason-Dixon Line
so the trip to Corolla Beach started out at 6 pm on the Friday before New Years... Now even better the rain starts right about the Lorton exit off 395 and continued to Virginia Beach.
highlights of the trip -
pulling into a gas station to pee and turning around for fear of being shot
Then passing the ol alma matter, Virginia Wesleyan off 64 wooo!
We passed a sign that I thought was warning drivers of deer but instead had a picture of a bear!
So I observe this by saying simply "bear"
Jason slowed the car and said what, to which I responded "bear"
I was too excited to see my guest bear sign to realize why Jason was freaking out. Duh
Situation has been averted after we concluded there were in fact no bears. Poop.
but good news I have seen Sonic the American drive-in in every town and gas under $3.00 god I turned into my parents

And the list continues:
a hammock store!
Fireworks!
treated lumber outlet! Wait no that's no fun
Curious signs for trymynuts.com

Pictures

The first snow of the season - the boys LOVE it





















This is Deuce eating the snow but I don't have a flash on my phone so it's hard to see - but if he can eat something he will!















The beautiful orchid Jason's mom got for me for my birthday - I haven't killed it!

Shop 'Til You Drop - from Mental_Floss enewsletter

With all the hubbub over mental_floss’ free shipping, we figured we’d give you some free shopping facts to go along with it. Enjoy!

:: Americans walk the way they drive – on the right. You’ll notice that most malls and airports are designed so that gift shops and clothing stores are on the right side as you enter, and food courts are on the left. Studies have shown that shoppers will cross the line of pedestrian traffic to eat, but not to browse or make an impulse buy.

:: Rowland Hussey Macy opened his first store on the corner of 14th and Sixth in New York City in 1858. He introduced several new practices that revolutionized the retail industry, including a “same price for every customer” (no haggling) policy, listing his final prices in newspaper advertisements. In December 1870, Macy’s became the first store to host an in-house appearance by a special guest would go on to play an important part in retail sales: Santa Claus.

:: Men look up when browsing, women look down. Retailers know that men don’t comparison shop as much as women do, so they’ll stock their higher-priced brand name products on the upper shelves, and the less expensive store-brands at eye-level. Men are notorious impulse buyers, and men shopping with their children are even more so. They are more inclined to toss an item Junior has plucked off a shelf into the basket rather than start an argument and risk a tantrum.

:: James Cash Penney originally called his chain of retail stores The Golden Rule as a nod to both his devout upbringing (his father was a minister) and his overall philosophy of life. Penney emphasized customer service above all else. He made a point of remembering the names of his regular customers, as well as their sizes and style preferences. When World War I broke out, he paid those J.C. Penney employees who left the company to serve in the armed forces or the Red Cross a monthly salary while they were gone.

My fancy picture - not so much

Courtesy of Cade Martin - photographer extraordinaire

Language Barriers are the ONLY explanation for this one...

From a REAL email sent to my company -

I have accessed the informationon of the memebership of the ****. My basic problem is the channel of payment for membership fee and the procedure of effecting such payment.Becoming a member of **** has always been my heart desire to take my career to the next level. My desire to attend the forthcoming annual conference in Las Vegas somewhere in June, 2006, will be a most infectious desire to my career development.You can only develop this hot desire in me before I get to my career plateau if I got REGISTERED.My expectations cum my queries if answered will be most welcomed. DICKENS.

Is this for real? The "sexual innuendos" are bad enough but it really could be a breakdown in translations. YIKES!

Casual Dress : the NEW definition

No one was more excited than I when I heard that my company was going to Casual-mode for the remainder of winter (hopefully) - this meant I could wear jeans whenever I wanted to. Now mind you - this being a "professional" place to work I didn't expect what I have seen - how dumb was I?

Here is a list of what I do NOT consider appropriate for Casual Wear (or any other wear actually - it is offensive however you spin it)

• Track suits - believe it or not you will NOT look as cool as a Beastie Boy whilst wearing one
• Velour suits - once again this look went out with J-Lo's street cred
• Being bra-less - hmmmm need I explain this one? The Potato in my department decided to do this today and ick I tried not to look but ick!
• Too tight t-shirts - if I can see your love handles from across the office I can only imagine what you look like up close
• Anything you would consider "Club Wear" - you bought it to go out and look like a hussy so why would you wear it to work?
• Oh also, not everyone can wear jeans - they do show off a lot more of your figure than pants and ick again on the too tight rule - damn there are some "Shelf Asses" around here!
• Sweatwear - sweatshirt, sweatpants, sweatsuit, anything made of sweat material should be reserved for the gym
• And the ever faithful baseball cap - oh how I love the company logo hat - you are inside and my mom always told me it was rude to wear a hat indoors

WTF is going on at DC101?

so I was listening to DC101 in the shower and heard a girl complaining about something happening 3 times...turns out that was just the beginning. They've been playing the Beastie Boys Fight for your Right since 8 PM. I don't know what is going on...can anyone tell me why they are playing the same song over and over? At least its the Beastie Boys.

What are they feeding you?

I share a bathroom with some of the most disgusting women that I have ever seen.
I usually don't mind the piss-covered seats and general lack of cleanliness but today I almost passed out...seriously people if you have to go that bad and let the dead thing that crawled up your ass out why can't you go to the public bathroom on the 1st floor? Why subject your co-workers to the stank of yourself. God I am so grossed out - and it wasn't just one person but ewww ok I can't talk about it anymore I might puke on myself.

(Note: Sorry for going off in such an offending manner - but it's my blog and I do it to fulfil my needs not yours. So there.)

Your prayers have been answered...

My picture from Halloween - thanks to Chuck's Blog I have successfully pirated my pic of me as Margot Tennenbaum (NOT Ash-hole Tisdale thankyouverymuch)

Color me Green!

Green Facts - What are you doing to help??

Paper makes up 36% of our solid waste. The burning of paper gives off air pollution, while the recycling of paper cuts our waste load over a third, and saves forests

About 80% of what Americans throw away is recyclable, yet our recycling rate is 28%

Recycling creates 6 times as many jobs as landfilling

If every newspaper printed for just one Sunday edition of the New York Times were to be recycled, we would save 75,000 trees

By recycling all of your newspapers for one year, you alone can save four trees, 2,200 gallons of water, and fifteen pounds of air pollutants

Energy saved for one recycled aluminum can will operate a TV set for 3 hours and is the equivalent to a half a can of gasoline

Switching your light bulbs to CFL’s (compact fluorescent lights) – they last 13 times longer, use 66% less energy, lowering your power bill

If every household replaced 1 light bulb we’d reduce global warming pollution by more than 90 billion pounds over the life of the bulbs, the same as taking 6.3 million cars off the road.

By fixing a leaking toilet you can save over 200 gallons of water a day

Plastic bags and 6-pack holders kill 100,000 marine mammals, and over one million sea birds.

We throw away enough paper each year to heat 50 million homes for 20 years

The U.S. uses nearly $1 million worth of energy every minute

Pollution from cars, factories and power plants is a major cause of asthma attacks.

The National Recycling Coalition reports that recycling supports 1.1 million jobs in the U.S.

Half of the forests that originally covered 48% of the Earth’s land surface are gone. Only 1/5th of the Earth’s original forests remain pristine and undisturbed.

Since 1980, the earth has experienced 19 of its 20 hottest years on record, with 2005 and 1998 tied for the hottest with 2002 and 2003 in second and third.

The polar ice cap is now melting at the alarming rate of 9% per decade.

The removable roof rack on a car can reduce fuel economy by as much as 5%

The refrigerator is the single biggest energy-consuming kitchen appliance, and opening the refrigerator door accounts for $30 and $60 of a family’s typical electricity bill each year.

The average American uses more than 100 gallons of water each day

If every household in the United States replaced just one package of virgin fiber napkins with 100% recycled ones, we could save 1 million trees.

In the average home, 40% of all electricity used to power home electronics is consumed while the products are turned off.

White Trash Christmas...courtesy of Kate

Trade For Christmas Presents Reply to: sale-473825102@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-11-09, 1:52PM EST

What I am looking for
(send Pictures and Prices/Value of your items,if you have them please):
Gift Cards- Carrabbas, Applebee's, Belk, JC Penny, Staples, anywhere!
Essential Oils (not cheap fragrance oils please)
Big Screen TV or Thinner Flat Screen TV
Hot Tub or Sauna Newer model
Camcorder or Digital Camera
Flower Arrangements/Wreaths
Business-Advertising Space/
Fax Machine/Laser Printer/Small Retail Displays/
Spa Equipment.
Outdoor Banners/Yard Signs.
Books- I love books of all kinds, just tell me what you got. (Herbs, Alternative Building, Spa related, anything)
Tupperware Storage Sets, Pampered Chef, any Home Party Plan Stuff (tell me what you got)
Classes/Lessons needed in-(Sour Dough)
Bread Making, Cooking(Greek, Italian).


Here is a list of what I have to offer:

(this is where it gets really good)

My father is a Wildlife Artist Jesse Ray I have PLENTY of black and white prints pictured at the bottom of the page of Deer, Turkey, Horses, Bass, (sold for $15.88 at meadowlark landing hwy421 toward boone last year) for sale or trade mixed sizes most are 12x16 (I think)or 12x18
I have a few custom made barnwood frames left too ($30 each).
As Seen On TV- Zero Water Cooler (paid over $100) and don't have room on the counter top for it.
Set of Knifty Knitter Looms- 3 round and one long bar type.
Musical Carousels- 2 round carousels and one carousel horse-all musical.
Beauty School Doll Head (hair never cut)
$25 Belly Cast for pregnant women-check out my site naturalimpressionsstudio.com (Value $100+) WHAT!!!!
Princess House (Displayed but Never Used, No Boxes)-3qt Covered Casserole ($72.95),
Barrington Serving Spoon 18/10 Stainless Steel (very heavyduty) ($26.95), Chip 'n Dip Bowl ($49.95), Cottage Tulip Personal Beverage Set (32.95)

Hi I am a Professional Esthetician working at a salon/spa in Wilkesboro, NC.
I offer Facials/Waxing Services and Sell Retail Gift Products I would like to barter for several things.
Get your holiday gifts out of the way for wives, daughters, mothers, sisters, employees, teachers, your mail carrier with a unibrow! Everyone loves being pampered! Gift Certificates range from $20-$300 So as an example say we trade a TV you are not using (value $1000) for 10 $100 gift certificates, or 20 $50 gift certificates for employees. Just contact me and we will figure something out.

Why didn't anyone think of this before...waxing for trade!

And here are some of the pictures by this world-renowned "artist"

Puglsey and the Plane

Jason got an Air Hog to "mess with the dogs" yes, that was his sole purpose for sneaking away in Target on Black Friday. At least it was on sale UNLIKE MANY OTHER THINGS IN TARGET. Commie bastards ended all their sales WAY too early.
But anyhow, here is a photo montage of Pugsley freaking over the plane. Too funny!

Ode to Monday

Rain on my newly washed car
Dogs barking from afar
Why did I wake up on the couch?
Damn my bad posture makes me slouch

Stupid drivers going slow
Making work even harder to go
4 day of not working
Good lord my head is hurting

I hate Mondays
It's NOT my favorite fun day
My want to poop on it day
Why oh why is Ryan Seacrest so gay?

Every minute spent brings me closer to Christmas
But for now my hair will be listless
Another thing to to thank the rain for
Oh yeah and paw prints all over my washed floor

At least I didn't spill coffee all over me
That was the beginning of Wednesday-dee (I had to rhyme)
Until Friday I will slack off
And dream of pillows soft
In hopes that this week will go quickly by
"Argh, Monday" I sigh...

Hooray Turkey Song!!

Find more videos on www.findinternettv.com.

Turkey Day

Yey part of being an American means we think we are the power-house of the world, that football is NOT soccer and that we celebrate a holiday in which we do NOTHING but watch football, eat and drink. One of my favorite days I might add. So to get everyone in the mood I would like to quote Adam Sandler in his time-honored religious hymn The Thanksgiving Song:

Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey
Love to eat turkey cause its good
Love to eat turkey
Like a good boy should cause its turkey to eat
So good
Turkey for me
Turkey for you
Lets eat the turkey In my big brown shoe
Love to eat the turkey
At the tableI once saw a movie
With Betty Grable
Eat that turkey
All night long
Fifty million Elvis fans cant be wrong
Turkey lurkey doo andTurkey lurkey dap
I eat that turkey then I take a nap
Thanksgiving is a special night
Jimmy Walker used to say dynomite
Thats right
Turkey with gravy and cranberry
Cant believe the Mets traded Darryl Strawberry
Turkey for you andTurkey for me
Cant believe Tyson gave that girl v.d.
White meat, dark meat
You just can't loseI fell off my moped and I got a bruise
Turkey in the oven
And the buns in the toaster
Ill never take down my Cheryl Tiegs poster
Wrap the turkey up in aluminum foil
My brother likes to masturbate with baby oil
Turkey and sweet potato pie
Sammy Davis jr. only had one eye
Turkey for the girls andTurkey for the boys
My favorite kind of pants are corduroys
Gobble gobble goo andGobble gobble gickel
I wish turkey only cost a nickel
Oh I love turkey on thanksgiving
Happy thanksgiving everybody!

More Gurzo's Best Sellers...more like best reads but...

I am on a kick of reading books that have movies, TV shows, or plays based on them so next installment in my series was Gone, Baby, Gone by Dennis Lehane - the author of Mystic River which I did not read but watched and thoroughly enjoyed. Since I only knew about 2 of the Dexter books and read one on my flight to Anaheim and read the second one in about 2 days I needed another book to read on the Red Eye home. I made a very seldom visit to a chain bookstore (sorry Olsson's you just aren't in California) - I think it was a Borders which isn't QUITE as bad as Barnes and No-blood...

I was looking for the new Steven Colbert book but it looked a bit too heavy to lug around...can't they just go to paperback first? So instead I found Gone, Baby, Gone. Nice and small, easy to fit in my carry-on and in paperback! The book was a good read but good god there were so many characters with nicknames like Cheese, Punjab and Remy Martin (not really but you know) it was hard to keep track. The ending also was a bit confusing...who knew cops could be so cunning?? I haven't seen the movie yet and am curious how Bunjamin Affleck (not a typo he is BUNjamin to me) tackled this one...but it was a page-turning mystery.wooo....

Gurzo's Best Sellers List...screw you NY Times!

I couldn't get enough Dexter from the one hour a week show so I checked out the Dexter books by Jeff Lindsay. They were WONDERFUL. I highly recommend them to anyone who has the need to feel what it is to be homicidal maniac/blood spatter analyst. The books deal with some people that I especially hate, Doakes, to be exact in a very satisfying way and we get to see a bit different perspective on Dexter. Also noteworthy is Jeff Lindsay is one of the writers of the show which is great!

The books are sadly only 2 in a series but well worth the read...

Oh crap! While searching for images of the books I just found out there are 3 books...damn that Duncan Library online catalog, I only saw 2 there! Foiled again!

So anyhoo...the books are Darkly Dreaming Dexter, Dearly Devoted Dexter and Dexter in the Dark so go and READ THEM NOW they are wickedly good!

Saw IV

I have been a HUGE fan of the Saw movies - I'm not sure why considering I spend half the time gagging and covering my eyes but in this day in age it is hard to elicit a reaction, any reaction out of people so that must be what my fascination is. So after being completely horrified, puke-bound from all other Saw's I was too excited to see this one. I even dragged Jason to the movies...yes you heard/read me right, we WENT to a movie!
Here's the run-down:
We got there oh 35 minutes early and thankfully Regal Cinemas now plays extended "preview previews" that were pretty good instead of the dancing candy that makes me wish I brought a slingshot with me...
After settling down with a big Coke and Gummy Bears (because the dinner from PF Chang's complete with appetizers, entrees AND dessert wasn't enough) we prepared to get scared
I did cover my eyes a few times but it was mostly the SOUNDS of the autopsy that got to me...ick flesh being pulled from the brain and the skull being sawed apart...gross you out yet???
All in all it was kind of a prequel of Jigsaw, we got to see why he is the way he is...I didn't really get it, I mean lots of people have tragedies and get in car accidents and don't start fashioning torture devices, or do they? Did I miss some post-accident class from Allstate that tells you how to effectively handle the after-math by torturing your fellow drug-addict? Hmmm...
So for once I think it would have been a better use of our $20 to get 3 bootleg movies and watch this mess of a movie at home then to waste the $ and time in a theater.
We should have seen The Darjeeling Limited like I wanted to. Sigh.

SNL Digital Short: The Brian Williams Diaries

In a world gone serious I think we all need a good laugh. Best part is throwing the pennies out the window and I think from now on I need to leave myself a loving message. Check it out!

read more digg story

Why humans need nutering too

(Please disregard the shoddy writing - obviously this is what happens when you are employed by Fox News...)

Parents Of Teens Lacking Immunization Called To Court
Tuesday, 13 Nov 2007
Some students have missed as much as a month and a half of school because they haven't gotten required immunizations.
More than 2,000 Prince George's County students have not gotten their state-mandated shots.
Tonight, an ultimatum to some of those parents: Come to court, get the shots, or else.
Some students have missed as much as a month and a half of school because they haven't gotten the required immunizations-- for Chicken Pox and Hepatitis B.
So now the school system says it's time to get tough and take those parents to court.
Free clinics, free shots, door-to-door visits, and countless letters. Still more than 2,300 Prince George’s county students don't have their required immunizations.
This Saturday, more than 1600 students and their parents have been ordered to appear in circuit court for the children to be immunized.
Health workers will be on hand to give the shots immediately.
The problem is a new law that took effect last year requiring students in the fifth through 10th grade to also have the chicken pox and hepatitis b vaccine.
Parents who don't show up or fail to comply-- could be fined up to $50 and get up to 10 days in jail.
Although getting students vaccinated by "court order" may seem unusual, the law is on the school district's side.
Mary Kivlighan with the University of Maryland’s School of Public Health says-- the Supreme Court weighed in on this very issue more than 100 years ago with Smallpox.
The school district does grant exemptions for religious purposes or other medical reasons but only if parents apply.
Going to court-- was a last resort.
Hepatitis b vaccine requires three shots over six months.
One of the problems has been that students will get one shot but don't get the others.
Therefore, they're not in compliance.