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Subject: Another reason not to move to Florida

From Andy:

This picture was taken by a Lifeflight helicopter flying over Lake Istapoka , (For those of you who are not local, Lake Istapoka is near Sebring, Fl.) That has to be a HUGE gator to have a whole deer in its mouth! Are you ready to go fishing on Lake Istapoka ?! If you ski -- try not to fall.

The alligator was found between Lake Istapoka and Pinedale estates... near a house , Game Wardens were forced to shoot the alligator- guess he wouldn't cooperate. Jayne and Don Hobkirk could hear the bellowing in the night. Their neighbors had been telling them that they had seen a mammoth alligator in the Lake that runs behind their house, but th ey dismissed the stories as being exaggerations. "I didn't believe it," Don Hobkirk said. Friday they realized the stories were, if anything, understated. Florida Game and Parks game wardens had to shoot the beast... Joe Goff, 6' 5" tall, a game warden with the Florida Game and Parks Commission, walks past the 23-foot, one inch alligator that he shot and killed in the back yard of Jayne & Don Hobkirk...

Comment:

How many chic gifts could you make with this; alligator seats on your boat!! Anyone still want to go snorkeling ???

Funny Friday Forwards

From Sissy:
January 16, 2008
Arrested for making son wear Pack jersey

Upset that his 7-year-old son wouldn't wear a Packers jersey during the team's playoff victory Saturday, a Wisconsin man restrained the boy for an hour with tape and taped the jersey onto him. Mathew Kowald was cited for disorderly conduct in connection with the incident with his son at their home in Pardeeville, Lt. Wayne Smith of the Columbia County Sheriff's Department said. The 36-year-old was arrested Monday after his wife told authorities about the incident. Kowald was taken to the county jail and held until today, when he pleaded no contest, paid a fine of $186 and was released. Kowald's wife filed a restraining order today, so Kowald will not be able to have contact with his family, Smith said. Smith said other domestic issues have surfaced, though he wouldn't elaborate. The boy refused to wear the jersey Saturday, when the Packers beat the Seahawks in a playoff game, Smith said. Smith said the incident sounded strange when reported at first, but the mother took pictures with her cell phone and that type of evidence is difficult to dispute.
*---------------COMMENTSThe article did not mention that the kid is a die hard Giants fan which caused his abusive father to lose his mind. GO BIG BLUE!

Why my iPhone kicks ass

So I might be totally behind the times (which tends to happen to me) but I just discovered Webapps. I am so loving my phone this week!
Along with being able to customize my home page on my phone I can now access millions of web apps. The catalog of choices is HUGE. Some of my favorites are:
vFlashlight - turns your iPhone into a virtual flashlight
iPeeVee - Japanese video content
Bobs Sheep Counter
iMug shots - mug shots of celebrities
iSunday Service - Listen to church services and view study guides from Lebanon Area Evangelical Free Church, Pennsylvania.
oh and the games...so many games!
I have spent the past hour at work searching the webapps and adding them all to my phone
Mind Dojo
Same Game - which is titled in Japanese/Chinese? something strange...
Oh and yes - Sunset
Pool ripples
And the ever calming oceanfront

This is JUST way too fun!

Oh AC Slater what have you done?

I am not a very big fan of Animal Planet but I beleive the dogs like to watch it when they are in the house alone...and as I was tuning in this morning I caught a few minutes of Pet Star - which from my short viewing I found out is a pet version of American Idol/Star Search

But the best part is the "star" of Pet Star is their host AC Slater whom we all remember from Saved by the Bell quite possibly the cheesiest show EVER. But I think he needs to fire his agent for getting him involved in this "gig"

Excerpt from their website follows (no I did NOT make this up!)

And now, the host of Pet Star ... Mario Lopez!
It takes more than just a pretty face to host a TV show — particularly when the star performers have more legs, claws or feathers than you do!
Mario Lopez was born in San Diego, Calif. Although best known for his role as Slater in Saved by the Bell, Lopez is a rising star in film and TV who wears many hats as an entertainer. He recently co-produced and starred in the independent film The Courier, and he co-hosts The Other Half with Dick Clark, Danny Bonaduce and Dorian Gregory.
Lopez has also been seen in Pacific Blue as police officer Bobby Cruz and he portrayed diver Greg Louganis in the TV movie Breaking the Surface: The Greg Louganis Story.
Lopez's first professional role was as the younger brother in the series A.K.A. Pablo.

Mystery Pooper

Rob & Big Season 3 premiered last night - the theme was the mystery pooper

Highlights were:

The mystery poop and who the pooper was

Beating up on Drama - again

Giving Drama a polygraph and he admitted he didn't like Mini Horse

Rob buys a Net Gun - which is #1 on my 2008 Wish List

The shirtless guy with the Superman tattoo working at the pool place

And the ultimate return on draining the pool -

The underwater themed mural - complete with Meaty and Mini Horse

'Nuff Said

Forward of the Day from Mom

Subject: Deanna Favre as Packers Starting QB!
In a news conference Deanna Favre announced she will be the starting QB for the Packers this coming Sunday. She claimed she is qualified to be starting QB because she has spent the past 16 years married to Brett while he played QB for the Packers. Because of this she understands how to pick up a corner blitz and knows the terminology of the Packers offense. A poll of Packers fans shows that 50% of those polled supported the move. Does this sounds idiotic and unbelievable to you? Yet Hillary Clinton makes the same claims as to why she is qualified to be the President of The United States.

Motivation in its truest form

Rob & Big

Where the F have I been?

Somehow this hilarious show featuring Rob Dyrdek, his bodyguard Big Black and his dog, Meaty and Mini-horse appropriately named "Mini Horse" has been on for almost 3 seasons and I haven't heard of it. I think it stems from my pure hatred of MTV, all that it represents and the "shows" it promotes (ex: the Hills - they call it reality tv?!, Real World, Road Rules, on and on with mindless dribble)

But lo and behold let the humor continue. Sissy introduced us to the show in the magical realm of her basement over Christmas Vacation. If you haven't watched this show you must! Forget all preconcieved conceptions of Newlyweds and Travis Barker reality shows...this is SO much better!
The mini-horse is mean! Meaty can skateboard, Big Black really is Big and Black!! And Rob is really freaking funny! We have started DVR'ing the old episodes and laughing our asses off. We even started calling Deuce mini-horse!

The new season starts this week - January 8th at 10:30 PM so CLEAR YOUR SCHEDULES AND TURN OFF THE PHONE, SPEAK TO NO ONE AND MAKE SURE TO CATCH THE NEW SEASON!! I also recommend re-naming something hopefully an animal or annoying co-worker Mini Horse - either to their face or not - up to you.

2008 Predictions - not for you to comment on

Jump rope will be the exercise to end all other forms
There will be more broken TVs resulting from people thinking they are too cool to wear the Wii controller wrist strap
There will also be more injuries related to Wii playing than other "sports"
I will be good at sports (thank you TV bowling)
The Yankees will win the World Series!!
Barrack Obama will be elected President
Britney will finally admit that her brain has been hijacked by aliens
The Squat Little Man will continue to harass everyone he comes in contact with
I will win the lottery - now I just have to start playing it
My niece, Madison will grow taller than me
My sister, Amy will have a boy
The Giants will come close to winning the Super Bowl - sorry Sissy I don't think its going to happen this year - the Packers are UNDEFEATED!

And more to come as I think about them

I know the Mayor of Manchester

As I was happily eating my Enchilada Pie last night (successfully food processed I might add) my sister, Amy calls me and told me to turn on Fox News and who do I see?
Frank Guinta!! Turns out being the mayor of Manchester is quite fancy-pants. (duh to me for not paying attention to primaries)
I've never really known anyone who was smart enough to be interviewed on the news for anything other than "Bystander"
It is so cool - Frank even has a Wikipedia on him
And Google has like 10 pages of entries on him
For anyone who doesn't know my association - my best friend from highschool is his little sister, Christine "Bring out the Guint" Guinta!

SO GO GUINTA!!
Maybe one day I will be seeing him on his run for presidency!

Wow it's been TOO long

2008 so far has been an eventful year which explains my lack of blogging (at least in my mind!)

Accomplishments of the year so far:

Pulling all of my arm muscles playing bowling on the Wii
Actually prior to that was actually FINDING a Wii - GO JASON!
Getting to pro level on the Wii - only to have my shiny ball taken from me when my game didn't improve - rat bastards
Remembering New Years - there are a few years that have passed that I can't quite recollect
Flying a kite - you think its easy? Well go get one and report back to me!
Successfully gaining that "mysterious Holiday weight"
Learning how to use a food processor - unfortunately I am looking forward to many mushy meals until I get the hang of it
Buying 2 pairs of pants for about $5 a piece and they're NOT from Goodwill!

More to come I am sure...

the beauty of the road trip

Ahh the fun that can only come from a southern destination.
somehow I can find my way around central jersey even though I haven't lived there in almost 10 years but I can't seem to distinguish between the town of "lightfoot" and nonsense... the kind that you only find below Richmond - which is also my personal Mason-Dixon Line
so the trip to Corolla Beach started out at 6 pm on the Friday before New Years... Now even better the rain starts right about the Lorton exit off 395 and continued to Virginia Beach.
highlights of the trip -
pulling into a gas station to pee and turning around for fear of being shot
Then passing the ol alma matter, Virginia Wesleyan off 64 wooo!
We passed a sign that I thought was warning drivers of deer but instead had a picture of a bear!
So I observe this by saying simply "bear"
Jason slowed the car and said what, to which I responded "bear"
I was too excited to see my guest bear sign to realize why Jason was freaking out. Duh
Situation has been averted after we concluded there were in fact no bears. Poop.
but good news I have seen Sonic the American drive-in in every town and gas under $3.00 god I turned into my parents

And the list continues:
a hammock store!
Fireworks!
treated lumber outlet! Wait no that's no fun
Curious signs for trymynuts.com

Pictures

The first snow of the season - the boys LOVE it





















This is Deuce eating the snow but I don't have a flash on my phone so it's hard to see - but if he can eat something he will!















The beautiful orchid Jason's mom got for me for my birthday - I haven't killed it!

Shop 'Til You Drop - from Mental_Floss enewsletter

With all the hubbub over mental_floss’ free shipping, we figured we’d give you some free shopping facts to go along with it. Enjoy!

:: Americans walk the way they drive – on the right. You’ll notice that most malls and airports are designed so that gift shops and clothing stores are on the right side as you enter, and food courts are on the left. Studies have shown that shoppers will cross the line of pedestrian traffic to eat, but not to browse or make an impulse buy.

:: Rowland Hussey Macy opened his first store on the corner of 14th and Sixth in New York City in 1858. He introduced several new practices that revolutionized the retail industry, including a “same price for every customer” (no haggling) policy, listing his final prices in newspaper advertisements. In December 1870, Macy’s became the first store to host an in-house appearance by a special guest would go on to play an important part in retail sales: Santa Claus.

:: Men look up when browsing, women look down. Retailers know that men don’t comparison shop as much as women do, so they’ll stock their higher-priced brand name products on the upper shelves, and the less expensive store-brands at eye-level. Men are notorious impulse buyers, and men shopping with their children are even more so. They are more inclined to toss an item Junior has plucked off a shelf into the basket rather than start an argument and risk a tantrum.

:: James Cash Penney originally called his chain of retail stores The Golden Rule as a nod to both his devout upbringing (his father was a minister) and his overall philosophy of life. Penney emphasized customer service above all else. He made a point of remembering the names of his regular customers, as well as their sizes and style preferences. When World War I broke out, he paid those J.C. Penney employees who left the company to serve in the armed forces or the Red Cross a monthly salary while they were gone.

My fancy picture - not so much

Courtesy of Cade Martin - photographer extraordinaire

Language Barriers are the ONLY explanation for this one...

From a REAL email sent to my company -

I have accessed the informationon of the memebership of the ****. My basic problem is the channel of payment for membership fee and the procedure of effecting such payment.Becoming a member of **** has always been my heart desire to take my career to the next level. My desire to attend the forthcoming annual conference in Las Vegas somewhere in June, 2006, will be a most infectious desire to my career development.You can only develop this hot desire in me before I get to my career plateau if I got REGISTERED.My expectations cum my queries if answered will be most welcomed. DICKENS.

Is this for real? The "sexual innuendos" are bad enough but it really could be a breakdown in translations. YIKES!

Casual Dress : the NEW definition

No one was more excited than I when I heard that my company was going to Casual-mode for the remainder of winter (hopefully) - this meant I could wear jeans whenever I wanted to. Now mind you - this being a "professional" place to work I didn't expect what I have seen - how dumb was I?

Here is a list of what I do NOT consider appropriate for Casual Wear (or any other wear actually - it is offensive however you spin it)

• Track suits - believe it or not you will NOT look as cool as a Beastie Boy whilst wearing one
• Velour suits - once again this look went out with J-Lo's street cred
• Being bra-less - hmmmm need I explain this one? The Potato in my department decided to do this today and ick I tried not to look but ick!
• Too tight t-shirts - if I can see your love handles from across the office I can only imagine what you look like up close
• Anything you would consider "Club Wear" - you bought it to go out and look like a hussy so why would you wear it to work?
• Oh also, not everyone can wear jeans - they do show off a lot more of your figure than pants and ick again on the too tight rule - damn there are some "Shelf Asses" around here!
• Sweatwear - sweatshirt, sweatpants, sweatsuit, anything made of sweat material should be reserved for the gym
• And the ever faithful baseball cap - oh how I love the company logo hat - you are inside and my mom always told me it was rude to wear a hat indoors

WTF is going on at DC101?

so I was listening to DC101 in the shower and heard a girl complaining about something happening 3 times...turns out that was just the beginning. They've been playing the Beastie Boys Fight for your Right since 8 PM. I don't know what is going on...can anyone tell me why they are playing the same song over and over? At least its the Beastie Boys.

What are they feeding you?

I share a bathroom with some of the most disgusting women that I have ever seen.
I usually don't mind the piss-covered seats and general lack of cleanliness but today I almost passed out...seriously people if you have to go that bad and let the dead thing that crawled up your ass out why can't you go to the public bathroom on the 1st floor? Why subject your co-workers to the stank of yourself. God I am so grossed out - and it wasn't just one person but ewww ok I can't talk about it anymore I might puke on myself.

(Note: Sorry for going off in such an offending manner - but it's my blog and I do it to fulfil my needs not yours. So there.)

Your prayers have been answered...

My picture from Halloween - thanks to Chuck's Blog I have successfully pirated my pic of me as Margot Tennenbaum (NOT Ash-hole Tisdale thankyouverymuch)