Happy Halloween from Prison!

Halloween

We went to a Halloween party this weekend at Chuck's house who was hilariously outfitted in an inflatable duck - no its not an ostrich as he would proclaim! (sorry Chuck) I decided as usual to not buy a costume (where is the creativity in that?) and was having a hard time deciding on who to be my first pick was Amy Winehouse - pretty easy, black beehive hairdo, tattoos, wife beater and skinny jeans. Or Margot Tenenbaum - very easy as it turns out. I had the long fur coat with collar, brown flat loafers and the striped apparel. All I needed was the blonde hair and thanks to a 50% off sale at CVS I spent a whopping $2.00 on a blonde wig and had Jason cut it into a bob - put in a red hair clip, some black eyeliner and BAM I was Margo "I'll have a butterscotch sundae" Tenenbaum. I forgot to take pictures so I might have to take more on Wednesday as I sit in front of my house handing out candy and explaining to MORE people who I am. Hasn't anyone heard of Wes Anderson?

American Gangster

Thanks to my sweet hookups AKA Jason I watched American Gangster at home this weekend
Yes, we are breaking the law in one way or another but hey I saw a movie at home that isn't even in theaters yet. I was actually very surprised by this movie. Usually Denzel Washington is a good guy in movies and it was refreshing to see him in a role that was a bit unconventional. I really enjoyed this flick, it was a bit on the long side but the ending really makes up for it. Don't worry I'm not going to spoil it for everyone!! Also, Common has a small part but makes up just one of the many celebrity cameos in this movie and they all played their roles expertly. I highly recommend this movie...oh yeah dirty ol' Russell Crow is in this movie too....snore.

Posting Madness! and Funny forward of the day - Toys that shouldn't ever be invented

I haven't had much time in the past few days to post so I am making up for it now.

Funny forward of the day - Toys that shouldn't ever be invented

Fall may be a thing of the past

Considering up until yesterday it was still 70 degrees in October and I have yet to fully turn my AC off (global warming, anyone?).

But I did stop today to take a picture of a really pretty tree - I drive by it every day on my way to work and the leaves turning made me take notice...look pretty leaves...aaaaa

Culprit of the Day Part Deux

I have had some faith in my dog recently...bad choice. As I let him out in the morning I don't stand at the door to make sure he's not doing one of many disgusting things...but yesterday he surprised me again. I opened the door and let Pugsley and Deuce back in the house - they know what's next, going in the basement for the duration. In the meantime Pugsley has jumped on the couch and proceeds to show me his "outdoor treasure". He gracefully puts his head down and spits out 2 large clumps of dirt - a fine delicacy that he discovered he loves after sampling the Miracle Grow potting soil with manure. Yummy cow poo.

Marketing 101 - Don't Creep People Out

Sitting at a light I look up to see this?? What's the deal is there some shortage of breast milk - does it make your kids smarter? Did I miss something?

Death to Hughie

So after only 2 episodes Viva Jackman aka Viva Laughlin has been cancelled...damn they didn't even give people time to hate it pulling it that quickly. Yikes!

I guess now I have to wait for the Wolverine movie to come out to drool over Hughie...sigh.

A new show with singing and Hugh Jackman?!

Thankfully last night before prime-time tv began I caught the Daily 10 on E! during which they were interviewing cast members of the new show, Viva Laughlin. The show's premise isn't the most interesting thing: building a casino in Nevada - a feat just a FEW people have accomplished. But I do like the singing and the fact that Wolverine is in it! Hughie plays Fontana and he introduces himself by singing along to the Rolling Stones, which many cannot argue with - Rolling Stones on prime-time? Nice!
I did fall asleep at the last 10 or so minutes (note to self: stop laying down on the couch after 10 pm, sleep will be enivitable) but thankfully the commercials for next's weeks show completely ruined any element of surprise for this episode so I didn't miss anything crucial. They really don't need to do that anymore...why keep watching if you know the casino is saved from next weeks spolier? Oh well I think for the sake of supporting a new tv show formatting I will keep it on the DVR rotation - not like there's anything else really on at 10 pm Thursdays except, ER (why is that show STILL on?) and the news....BOOORRRIIINNGGG, gun shot, gun shot, fire, done.

Elevator Hell Distraction Kit

So as I am running around this morning chosing to do "the pop-in" on many people since they weren't answering my calls I found out why the stairs are a better alternative.
Reasons being:
1. walking is better for you
2. i can pick my wedgie without being caught on camera
3. i can also pick my nose (reason again - no camera)
4. i can warm up from the cool 60 degrees that our office temp is set at
5. you can't get stuck in a stairwell
6. stairwells don't have a chance of falling 5 stories

But alas, I am lazy and really don't care if anyone sees me picking...well anything really. So as I am in the elevator this morning I was happily humming until Good Ol' Pinch Face gets on. Crap, what do I do now? Look at the stack of papers in my hand - Constanza-style and ignore her? Why oh why don't we have muzak on our elevators? It would really come in handy in this situation...better yet mental note: never leave cubicle without iPhone. At least that way I can pretend to be listening to music and get away with a simple 'hello nod'.
So I will make a very valient attempt to never leave my cube without some sort of 'Elevator Hell Distraction Kit'.

Art on the Ave Find of the Century

This years Art on the Ave was my first...and among the untalented, overpriced yuppie appealing art was Peter Malinoski who made me stop and laugh and I MUST have one of these...
So if anyone is looking for Christmas ideas look no further!!!

October is Music Awareness Month

For me acutally... no one else

But I attended my first Opera at the Kennedy Center - it was fantastic! For my birthday we attended the "Welcome to Opera Night" and it was an overview of the season to come. Highlights included: tiny bottles of champagne, the fountains outside, and a ton of picture opportunities. Jason and I also met a couple who said they were JUST "co-workers" yeah my ass. I think they were there on a romantic affair - very entertaining.

On Monday night I switched gears - Cat Power played at the 9:30 Club. Opening was quite possibly the WORST band in the history of bands, Childballads. OH MY GOOD GOD, they could NOT have been worse! Everyone around us was laughing at the lead singer and his drug-induced writhing/dancing. Not only did he not sing but more like dictated to the audience and grabbed the mic in a very Fugazi-way but then instead of letting out an animal-like roar he would quietly whisper.

But finally about 10:15 Chan Marshall and her backup band, The Dirty Delta Blues burst on to the stage and rocked! The part I loved the most was many of the "fans" only knew her Greatest Album and when they covered any of the songs they made sure to change the tempo and accompanying music throwing off any singalongs. There was a small portion of clap-alongs which always make me shudder but it was quelled after the song.

If you haven't heard Cat Power I highly recommend her, as Brittany put it she is like the 2007 version of Janis Joplin, drugs included. This was my second time seeing her and it keeps getting better and better - I have heard that a few months to a year ago it was a bad show but she has found that happy balance of heroine to make her perform quite well, and as always, shoeless.

Funny Forward of the Day from Kate

Seinfeld on 30 Rock...I can't explain the espanol sub-titles though

I love Kenneth and this is just one clip of him around Jerry. He is stunned speechless around him...too funny!

Spoon on SNL

I taped Saturday Night Live since I was poking and dipping my dinner at the Melting Pot in celebration of my 28th year on this planet when it started...woo hoo. But as I settled in for another boring Tuesday night of television (why oh why can't I like reality tv?) I remembered that not only did I tape SNL but my new favorite band, Spoon was performing!

I acutally made it through the whole show and my reward came in the form of DUM DUM DUM...an white-haired and balding Chevy Chase reporting on the politics today --dare I say he might be a Democrat? Nice surprise visit they need more of them!!!

Now Chevy Chase is pretty hard to beat but I will say the live performance of Spoon was great!

No not THAT Spoon - this Spoon -->

They played from their new album Ga, Ga, Ga, Ga, Ga (it looks so cool displayed on my stereo - like gibberish)- The Underdog which features a great horn section and You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb which I am wincing to hear for the first time on the radio...please please don't let Keane and the morning show on 99.5 get their hands on Spoon, they will surely be the MTV death of them.

One side note: the German Spoon (pictured below performing Jazz Hands) are not nearly as good so don't be fooled by Ze German imitation.

Let the Couch-potato'ing begin!

Finally my week of salvation has arrived!!

Regular Fall programming has started...
so get out the Lazy Boys and your favorite furry slippers because winter hibernation is about to begin!

2 weeks ago started with CSI - shown here in a Hopper-esque rendition
(which I was not the biggest fan of until Jason)
So it turns out that if you are fighting with your network about your contract (Sara Sidle) you get stuck under a car over the summer break while they hash out the details of saving or killing you off...I LOVE primetime TV. So they came to an agreement I guess because TA DA DUM Grissom saved his LOVE Sara from the Miniature Killer...she spent the summer trapped under a car and by god she's good to go only 2 weeks later!

Dexter

I thought that the episode that the "Ice Truck Killer" had proposed to Deb and tied her up was the last episode of the season - it wasn't! So as I tune into my most anticipated season preview to find out that I missed the REAL last episode, WHAT?!! And Comcast doesn't have last season on OnDemand so I will be adding that disc to my Netflix Queue. Damn. But anyhoo, the first episode was good and the season is getting better and better. Last week had me reaching for the Xanax I was so stressed that he might get caught!!

30 Rock
At a time that there isn't anything else to watch on Thursday nights there is 30 Rock!!
Check it out - Kenneth around Jerry Seinfeld was enough to make me want to pee my pants!

And ONE MORE THING: Thursday at 9pm is getting ridiculous with the network wars...I have CSI, Grey's Anatomy, The Office AND a new show on Discovery - Last Man Standing

Here's the description: In South Africa, the six men live in the traditional village of Nqekwane and take on the Zulus in the deadly sport of stick fighting. They share in initiation ceremonies and take magic potions to find the skill and courage to fight at a Zulu royal wedding.

Stick fighting, magic potions, guys in loin cloths?!! I can't get enough...and somehow I will miss it

My DVR can't handle this!! AHHHH!!!

More shows to come...I have to go home now...work=blogging

Funny of the Day

Courtesy of Sissy who works for the State...
This is an excerpt of an actual conversation, as heard though the genius of speaker phone, from a Deputy Attorney General to a State Caseworker:
Attorney: There seems to be a problem with the Complaint that I'm reviewing.
Caseworker: Really? What's the problem.
Attorney: Well, it's regarding the Mom's inability to adequately provide medical care for the child.
Caseworker: That's been fixed. The Mom has two appointments scheduled for next month.
Attorney: I see that in the notes. It says she has an appt. in the beginning of the month at the Opthamologist and in the middle of the month at the Paleontologist.
Caseworker: Right, that's correct. What's the problem with that?
Attorney: Well, unless Mom is taking the child to THE DINOSAUR DOCTOR,we have a problem.
Caseworker: Huh? What do you mean?
Attorney: What type of doctor is Mom taking the child to in the middle of the month?Caseworker: She's taking her to the doctor for the lung problem, you know.
Attorney: The Paleontologist?
Caseworker: Yeah, yeah, that's right.
Attorney: YOU MORON, THAT'S A DINOSAUR EXPERT. A PULMONOLOGIST IS A LUNG DOCTOR!

Caseworker: Oh.

A letter from the Caseworker to the file:
I contacted the Principle(should be Principal) of _____ Middle School. He informed me that the Torturing classes were canceled until after the first of the year.
(Torturing classes??!!)

Here's a line from a Complaint that had already been filed. Everybody
missed it and now its become part of the permanent Court Record for ever and ever!:
"Ms. ___ noticed upon examination that Mrs. ____ was vivaciously beaten about her head and neck area."

WOW the brilliance is astounding!!!

'Tis the Season

Typically I love the holidays and am even a bit jealous of those that are half Jewish and half Christian because I would LOVE to celebrate Chrismukkah but alas I am not...

So for those who choose to wallow in self-inflicted holiday pity (and I might just be one considering how this year is going so far) worry not...your holiday soundtrack is waiting!

Yule Be Miserable - "'Tis the season to be jolly? Hardly! The holiday season is really the time for dysfunctional families, useless knickknacks, and expanding waistlines. Why fool yourself with the run-of-the-mill music of the season and its sugar-coated themes of love and understanding? Add a dash of reality to your holiday proceedings while thumbing your nose at the putrid sentimentality with music that cries out "back off and leave me alone!"
I personally recommend 'Zat You, Santa Claus? by Louis Armstrong and Santa Claus Got Stuck in my Chimney by Ella Fitzgerald.