Our members are pretty damn funny

So we have a social billboard type area on our website that our members use for all sorts of reasons, networking, questions and answers, job postings, etc. But sometimes they really make me laugh - recently someone asked about how to handle a particularly gassy employee and one member who makes us all laugh posted the following memo:

M E M O
To: All Employees
From: HR
Re: Flatulence
It has been brought to the attention of HR that some employees are emiting flatulence while working in their cubicles so HR has written a Flatulence Policy which is effective immediately.

Flatulence Policy
While we understand that flatulence is a natural occurring bodily function, you are not allowed to fart while in your cubicle. If you are feeling a bit bloated and gassy then please go to the restroom to flatulate.If you do flatulate in the restroom, please spray Fabreze generously to cover the odor. If, by flatulating in the restroom, you accidentially squirt something other than intestinal air, do not, under any circumstances, discard your soiled panties in the restroom wastebasket (see Panty Policy).
If you do not experience the warning signs pre-flatulence and actually do fart while in your cube, please excuse yourself quickly and get the can of Fabreze in the restroom and spray your cubicle generously. If that doesn't mask the odor sufficiently, then you will need to go to HR and get a Glade Scented Candle and burn it in your cubicle for the remainder of the day.It is against this policy to retaliate against anyone burning a Glade candle in their cube, as we all know that smell is so much better than the alternative.
Fragrance Scentivity Warning Signs should be posted outside of any cubicle to warn those who are sesative to strong scents so they can avoid the area.Employees are encouraged, especially those who experience flatulence on a regular basis, to practice good pre-flatulence preventative measures such as eating foods high in fiber, avoiding Taco Bell and taking Beano when appropriate. HR will also have those little strips your can put on your tongue to get rid of gas as well as a supply of Gas X. Employees who are feeling particularly gassy should come quickly to HR so all gas prevention measures can be pursued.All flatulence not emitted in accordance with this policy should be immediately reported to HR on the Unauthorized Flatulence Report Form so HR can investigate immediately.