Our members are pretty damn funny

So we have a social billboard type area on our website that our members use for all sorts of reasons, networking, questions and answers, job postings, etc. But sometimes they really make me laugh - recently someone asked about how to handle a particularly gassy employee and one member who makes us all laugh posted the following memo:

M E M O
To: All Employees
From: HR
Re: Flatulence
It has been brought to the attention of HR that some employees are emiting flatulence while working in their cubicles so HR has written a Flatulence Policy which is effective immediately.

Flatulence Policy
While we understand that flatulence is a natural occurring bodily function, you are not allowed to fart while in your cubicle. If you are feeling a bit bloated and gassy then please go to the restroom to flatulate.If you do flatulate in the restroom, please spray Fabreze generously to cover the odor. If, by flatulating in the restroom, you accidentially squirt something other than intestinal air, do not, under any circumstances, discard your soiled panties in the restroom wastebasket (see Panty Policy).
If you do not experience the warning signs pre-flatulence and actually do fart while in your cube, please excuse yourself quickly and get the can of Fabreze in the restroom and spray your cubicle generously. If that doesn't mask the odor sufficiently, then you will need to go to HR and get a Glade Scented Candle and burn it in your cubicle for the remainder of the day.It is against this policy to retaliate against anyone burning a Glade candle in their cube, as we all know that smell is so much better than the alternative.
Fragrance Scentivity Warning Signs should be posted outside of any cubicle to warn those who are sesative to strong scents so they can avoid the area.Employees are encouraged, especially those who experience flatulence on a regular basis, to practice good pre-flatulence preventative measures such as eating foods high in fiber, avoiding Taco Bell and taking Beano when appropriate. HR will also have those little strips your can put on your tongue to get rid of gas as well as a supply of Gas X. Employees who are feeling particularly gassy should come quickly to HR so all gas prevention measures can be pursued.All flatulence not emitted in accordance with this policy should be immediately reported to HR on the Unauthorized Flatulence Report Form so HR can investigate immediately.

My name is potato

This made my day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZJXWkWeS2k

I am in job depression

I know that I should be thankful for even HAVING a job but being a college-educated female who didn't get into finance I just don't feel THAT thankful.

So since it's my blog I feel the right to bitch. After paying bills I had only $200 left of my paycheck...how in the world am I to get ahead with that kind of paycheck? Yes my paycheck is a bit smaller after the $60 for my MacBook that they take out the payments for until the end of the year, and my flex spending - which BTW I am almost out of for the rest of the year, and a 401(k) loan that I had to take out for my overwhelming medical bills from my gallbladder surgery last year. So that's about another $100 + that should be in my check...but seriously as I am getting married the concept of having children is just more and more becoming something that is more of a reality than just a "concept". How are we to afford this?

So that has been my pit of despair this week so far. I was out for 2 days not feeling too well but I must admit I really enjoyed being home. So much I was even entertaining the idea of becoming a full-time nanny. What other job lets you stay home all day and play with kids? Too bad I don't have any of my own and would probably spend half the day on the phone with my mother asking everything from "Does it matter if the puke is green or blue", "how do you get Jell-O out of the carpet?" or "Why can't I nap when they won't?"

But after speaking to my sister, Amy she told me of the perils of children moving, them finding a new nanny, etc. that put me out of thinking it would be the best idea that I should quit my perfectly stable job for.

And then Nicole sent me the following diagram that made me laugh:

And it's not that I HATE my job I really feel that I am worth more - a lot more. And if I was making more money it might be easier to put up with the half-assed people that I work with (very few, but Potato stands out) and get paid more than me and work half-assed, dress like they've never heard of bras and still have a job...so why am I busting my ass??

Dilemma...

Funniest Home Page

I found this a few weeks ago on the Dominion Home Page and kept forgetting to post it


How creepy is this picture??!!

Doesn't it looks like he's going to kill her with the hairdryer? And why would you want some strange MAN to help you blow dry your hair?

Hydrangea

So my quest for a long time now has been to find a Hydrangea bush. Not only are they a flowering bush but they're just so pretty. I also found on the back of one of his books this great picture with Kurt Vonnegut outside his house sitting by the back door, surrounded by these giant Hydrangea bushes. I usually buy my plants at Lowe's or Home Depot (mostly Lowe's because I despise Home Depot and the morons that work there) but am always turned off on how much they cost. They are really expensive bushes!

When I was in New Jersey the other weekend visiting my parents we went to Lowe's - their Saturday morning ritual, if you're looking for my parents early Saturday - million to 1 they're at Lowe's scanning the sale rack. We ended up in the garden section, big surprise and I found a Hydrangea bush on sale for about $8. Yes, it was tiny but not miniscule so I bought it hoping to bring it to life, and so far so good.

But last weekend we were on our way back from meeting Father Baker at St. Aidan's and we were going to go to Lowe's and on the way there we went past Hybla Valley Nursery. Jason found this nursery when he was helping some friends move the other weekend and stopped in to get me a pretty flower. So he suggested that we stop and I found a HUGE Hydrangea for only $25. I had to have it. The price was too good to pass up. I did buy a few other things, which I can't remember for the life of me now - oh a clematis and some type of big leafy thing.

In case you have NO idea what a Hydrangea is here is one:

And a Clematis is:

It is a trailing bush that I am hoping will grow all over our lovely metal fence on one neighbor's side - mostly to cover the dead tree that is such an eyesore.

Teaser Poster for True Blood Season 2

Look closely! At first glance you may just see the blood but if you focus in on the dark sections, you’ll see the silhouette of a vampire about to feed from some poor lady’s neck. This concept is based off the famous Rubin’s Face, a famous optical illusion that allows for two completely separate interpretations of the same image.

Summer TV

So now that all my "good" shows have come to an end - some leaving us hanging; Lost as usual, damn those bastards for always leaving me this way...The Office left us with Pam & Jim finding out they are pregnant, and 30 Rock just ended, it isn't the way of the comedy show to leave us hanging it just ends.





So now begins the summer Cable shows! Starting up July 12 with Season 6- Entourage with Vinnie working on a Martin Scorcese film. Even though my DVR recorded this past Sunday as a new episode which it wasn't. I can't get any information off their site about the first episode of Season 6. I'm sure somewhere on the internet is some sort of spoiler but I'm really not that dedicated. Last season I kept watching b/c there isn't much else to do at 10 PM on a Sunday but I didn't really want to watch poor Vinnie, I like when he spends his millions on Mazerati's and parties...duh, that's why we're all celebrity-obsessed.





Deadliest Catch has been on for a few weeks and Discovery doesn't really count as Cable with a


Capital C to me since I don't PAY for the channel itself.





Weeds will be starting Season 5 with their debut episode Wonderful Wonderful. Last season ended with Nancy about to be killed by Esteban (the really hot Governor or Mayor of Mexico) until she produces an ultrasound and tells him it's a boy. Damn she's good.





Here's the description from Showtime:





In episode 501, the fifth season premiere, Nancy returns to Ren Mar unsure of her fate after showing Esteban a sonogram of her baby; Haley has a hard time collecting ransom money for Celia; Andy, Doug and Silas discuss a new pot-growing plan.





And my new favorite show from last summer True Blood!!


There's even a countdown on the homepage


http://www.hbo.com/trueblood/

I had to put a picture so this is from last season since this season starts June 14.

Solved! How a family of eight can travel from A to B... on just TWO wheels

Full story can be found at:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1174908/Solved-How-family-travel-A-B--just-TWO-wheels.html

Too funny!